Life Update

I thought for for my sanity and for you guys who take the time out of your busy lives to read my blog to update you on what’s been keeping me from blogging. Other than close friends and family, no one has known why I’ve been distant since the beginning of Summer. I know I have disappeared off the face of the blogging Earth from time to time, for selfish reasons (school, work, wedding planning, etc.), but this time it was for family.

In the beginning of June, my sister was having migraines and wasn’t sure why all of a sudden so she was more or less on bed rest until the doctors could figure out what the hell was going on. Mid June she went to the hospital because nothing was changing and the frequency of her migraines began to get worse. Finally they had an answer, but it was one neither my sister or my family were prepared for; it was a tumor. They scheduled her for a biopsy which turned into surgery to remove the whole tumor instead, to be on the safe side.

A couple weeks later, we waited to hear whether or not the tumor was cancerous; it was. We were relieved that it was removed, but now my sister had to wait to see what the next course of action was. Since it was cancerous and the tumor was a three to four on the tumor grade scale, she would have to do chemotherapy and radiation (chemo in pill form and a month of radiation at a facility).

From the beginning, I have been living with my sister to help during her recovery after surgery and now her recovery with radiation. My sister has always been my best friend and I knew that being there for her, my nephews, and my brother-in-law was so much more important than anything else going on in my life, but I  am grateful for my followers as well so I wanted to be honest and share with you.

I have a post I’ve been working on, I’m not sure when exactly I will post it, within the next week hopefully, but I will be back soon.

Thank you for your patience :)

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23 Years Ago…

I was recently going through old photo albums at my Mom’s house and came across a photo. This photo not only symbolizes my awkwardness, but also my awkwardness for photo ops hehe. This isn’t really beauty related, I just thought it was funny and shows even at age three I was just as awkward as I am now twenty three years later :).

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Hope you lovely nerds are having a great weekend!

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C’est La Vie

What would the days leading up to my 25th birthday be without some drama? This week has been rather stressful which has caused my face to breakout (not the end of the world but still!) so I’ve been stepping up my skin regiment before the weekend.I pulled a muscle at the gym so I am out of commision for a few days. My adorable top I ordered came today, but unfortunately they sent me the wrong size so I had to go out to find another cute top!

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I figured is wear this with my cute 3/4 sleeve blazer :)

I also got bracelets to go with the outfit that were on sale…

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These were originally $15 each but I got them for $0.59! This week has been disasterous but with the weekend starting early for us I’ll be relaxing with my boyfriend till Sunday :).

Happy Hump Day Nerds!

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Getting My Booty In Shape

It’s no secret I’m trying to live a healthier lifestyle. With my 25th birthday looming I keep reflecting on where I thought I’d be in life and where I’m actually at. The main aspect I thought would have changed by now is my weight. I’ve been overweight for quite sometime now and as the saying goes “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Granted I’m not sick but I’m a diabetic with hypothyroidism and I take enough medications to put a pharmacist to shame.

Since those two factors have been prevalent in my life I’ve managed to get my shit together (more or less) and learn proper eating. I’m not invincible and my bad lifestyle caught up with me and now I have to change, for myself and for those who love and care for me. Another thing I need to work on is exercise, I workout sometimes but I know I can do more, especially with the 6k coming up in October.

I digress, so as an early birthday present to myself I joined a gym :). I am super duper excited I did this for myself, and anxious at starting a new life as a healthier person. The even better part is my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend (got it?) goes to the same gym so I have a workout buddy :).

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Not A Case Of The Mondays (non beauty post)

I don’t know about you but when a co-worker, loved one, friend, whoever says “Somebody has a case of the Mondays!” it really sends this annoyed shrill through my body lol. I’m always polite though and smile and say I guess so but deep down I’m just as blah but now I’m kind of annoyed on top of that. Can one be upset/sad/depressed/indifferent on this day of the week and it not have to be chalked up to the beginning of the week?

In my case the lingering (who am I kidding its beyond linger) feeling of anxiety, depression, blah feeling is something I feel most of the week! So I guess it’d be a case of the everydays lol. Today is a particularly hard day, it started off almost emotionless for me and then I get a call from my dad. Time for me to sidetrack or give you guys a back story.

My dad and I used to be real close, we did everything together when I was a kid. Hockey games, shoot basketball, watch Saturday cartoons, you name it and we did it! I was a daddy’s girl and unfortunately that changed when I was 13. My parents divorced and my mom got custody, and that was the day I felt my relationship with my dad die.

I felt he resented me for living with her and whenever we spent the designated weekends together we barely spent time together, and when we did the time was spent yelling at each other. Up until I was 17 our relationship was spent fighting and yelling, when I finally turned 18 we had no contact other than pleasantries at family outings.

At this point I had so much animosity towards him for practically abandoning me for another family, and acting as if I never existed. This went on til I was 23, then it all changed. When I was in the hospital he was the first person to come see me, and at that time I lived over an hour away and he never made that kind of trek for me before. That’s when I made the decision I could either hate him and always be upset with him for breaking my heart so many times, or I can accept him for how he is, move on and rebuild.

I chose to rebuild and just accept that our relationship may not be what I want it to be, but at least have him in my life. It wasn’t until recently I realized that we are very much alike, we had same mood swings, stubbornness, we were both extremely sensitive people. I felt in a way the closeness that had disappeared years ago because we could relate to how we felt, the anxiety of certain situations, and the days when sometimes the depression is in charge. Fast forward to today.

His dad, who he basically had the exact same relationship with as he did with me (noticing a pattern?), is having serious psychiatric problems. Unlike my dad and I, he hasn’t had any contact with my grandfather for over 10 years for the same reasons I resented him for so long, and although he says he’s done with him I could hear in his voice the pain and worry. I am a very sensitive person, when someone I care for is visibly distraught I get very emotional, it took all I could to not friggin’ breakdown. My dad apologized for how things had been for so long between us and he doesn’t want the same thing that happened with his dad to happen with me.

I can’t say if things will get back to what they were so long ago, or if things will go back to us losing touch but I do know its a work in progress.

Mandee

Team Sugar Babies!

So normally all my posts are about beauty and makeup products but this post is completely different. It’s something that I am proud of myself for and giving you guys a little back story on me (in case you were curious!). As of June 2011 I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. For those who think this is only a disease that just affects overweight individuals I’d like to tell you it’s not.

Unfortunately, this disease runs in a lot more people’s families than you think, and if you’re lucky like me it runs on both sides lol. I will admit I was not taking good care of myself for a long time and that was the final nail in the coffin (sorry for the morbidity). I was devastated when I was diagnosed, I thought (excuse any foul language in this post) Shit!

I know they say denial is one of the first things you feel when being diagnosed, but I wasn’t in denial. I knew this was my fault for knowing this disease runs in my family and still ate crap that was bad for me anyway. So mainly I felt ashamed, ashamed of myself for letting this happen, and ashamed because I thought my family would be upset with me.

I downright hated myself for this, and for someone who is already clinically depressed, this hatred was making me borderline suicidal. Then I thought what the hell am I gonna do now? To me this felt like a death sentence, and even now I still feel this way sometimes.

Now to the good part, or happy ending I guess? As soon as I got my hands on every diabetes book imaginable (at least 50 books) I started realizing I’m not just that girl with diabetes, I’m still the exact same person I was before, I’m just eating healthier now and exercising. I do not look at this as a blessing in disguise but I do know this helped me learn to be a better, healthier person.

I have never been the girl with a lot of self esteem but since June I’ve accomplished losing 60 lbs., and gained a knowledge of my self worth and learned to love myself for my mistakes, and imperfections. I also learned humor is definitely helpful in this situation. Most people get super P.C. around me like if they don’t say exactly the right thing I will be offended. Truth is my friends and I make fun of me about this, and I know that may sound awful, but its how I came out of all this alive!

I totally side tracked from why I was posting but anywho…

I am joining the Step Out Walk For Diabetes for two reasons, one its awesome exercise, and two I do want to help raise awareness to this disease. It’s a 5k walk and so far my sister, our friend Megan and I have created a team for this, and we are Team Sugar Babies! I’m so grateful I have the support system I have and love my friends and family for supporting me and encouraging me to do this.

Wish me luck!

Mandee