I don’t know about you but when a co-worker, loved one, friend, whoever says “Somebody has a case of the Mondays!” it really sends this annoyed shrill through my body lol. I’m always polite though and smile and say I guess so but deep down I’m just as blah but now I’m kind of annoyed on top of that. Can one be upset/sad/depressed/indifferent on this day of the week and it not have to be chalked up to the beginning of the week?
In my case the lingering (who am I kidding its beyond linger) feeling of anxiety, depression, blah feeling is something I feel most of the week! So I guess it’d be a case of the everydays lol. Today is a particularly hard day, it started off almost emotionless for me and then I get a call from my dad. Time for me to sidetrack or give you guys a back story.
My dad and I used to be real close, we did everything together when I was a kid. Hockey games, shoot basketball, watch Saturday cartoons, you name it and we did it! I was a daddy’s girl and unfortunately that changed when I was 13. My parents divorced and my mom got custody, and that was the day I felt my relationship with my dad die.
I felt he resented me for living with her and whenever we spent the designated weekends together we barely spent time together, and when we did the time was spent yelling at each other. Up until I was 17 our relationship was spent fighting and yelling, when I finally turned 18 we had no contact other than pleasantries at family outings.
At this point I had so much animosity towards him for practically abandoning me for another family, and acting as if I never existed. This went on til I was 23, then it all changed. When I was in the hospital he was the first person to come see me, and at that time I lived over an hour away and he never made that kind of trek for me before. That’s when I made the decision I could either hate him and always be upset with him for breaking my heart so many times, or I can accept him for how he is, move on and rebuild.
I chose to rebuild and just accept that our relationship may not be what I want it to be, but at least have him in my life. It wasn’t until recently I realized that we are very much alike, we had same mood swings, stubbornness, we were both extremely sensitive people. I felt in a way the closeness that had disappeared years ago because we could relate to how we felt, the anxiety of certain situations, and the days when sometimes the depression is in charge. Fast forward to today.
His dad, who he basically had the exact same relationship with as he did with me (noticing a pattern?), is having serious psychiatric problems. Unlike my dad and I, he hasn’t had any contact with my grandfather for over 10 years for the same reasons I resented him for so long, and although he says he’s done with him I could hear in his voice the pain and worry. I am a very sensitive person, when someone I care for is visibly distraught I get very emotional, it took all I could to not friggin’ breakdown. My dad apologized for how things had been for so long between us and he doesn’t want the same thing that happened with his dad to happen with me.
I can’t say if things will get back to what they were so long ago, or if things will go back to us losing touch but I do know its a work in progress.